fear

Are Your Hidden Fears Blocking You From Love?

cryingNobody knows just how many times you cry yourself to sleep because you’re soooo lonely.

Nobody knows that despite saying you want a SoulMate, deep down you are terrified.

Nobody knows that despite all your success in every other area of your life, you feel like a miserable failure in love.

I know.

The good news is, you are not crazy. You are not the only one who feels this way.

  • When you think about meeting your SoulMate, what scares you most about it?
  • What are your hidden fears?
  • The ones only you know about?
  • The ones you’d simply die if anybody knew?
  • What if those hidden fears are exactly what is blocking you from love?
  • Wait, what? If they are hidden, how can I discover them?

Here’s what one of my readers discovered about himself.

When I received this poignant email from a brave reader last year, I immediately wanted to share it with you.  It was in response to this posting:

SoulMate Success Tip #4

We block our SoulMate from coming into our lives by negative or pessimistic beliefs we have about love, dating, sex, men and women.

If you had to clear some “stinkin’ thinking” that you KNOW is in your way, what would it be?  What would you have to believe in order for someone wonderful to come into your life?

Time for a little housecleaning don’t you think?

What are your hidden fears about love, dating, sex, men or women?


Dear Annette,

I am writing you in reply to SoulMate Success Tip #4, concerning the biggest “stinking thinking” around love, sex, dating and women.

The biggest stinking thinking was: I am afraid of showing up as who I really am and actually being afraid to show myself in anything at all (because I belief(ved) I will actually die if I Do show up as the real me.) and not feeling Welcome.

I have always had the feeling that it is never safe to show up as who I (really) am, and that I am not being allowed to just be ‘me’. Even though this was purely unconscious for me until now. I have always been sending out double signals of the “yes, I want you, No, I don’t want you” variety to girls and women I was interested in. Alternately being interested and withdrawing, because of Fear of Rejection.

I would usually withdraw to my room and keep myself occupied in the last classes of grade school. In High School this had led to me simply staying away from the girls in class and keeping to myself, because I projected my fear of not being allowed to be myself and not being welcome onto the girls I was interested in as: “They are out of my league, they do not want me, and I am not Welcome.” not going to parties or school events and if per chance I would attend, I would make sure I was all but invisible. In my twenties this showed up as: Women flaking on me for dates, and physically (literally) “Not showing up” themselves, where it was actually me that did not show up as my real self, which would just reinforce my belief of: “They do not want me.” and my fear to try again.

In the longest relationship I had, I showed up in the role of father figure to a younger woman, with me taking more of the teacher role than the role of an equal, caring, sharing partner.

I am surprised myself in all the ways this one fear ties into so many of my experiences with dating, sex and women.

Thank you for sending the Soul Mate Tip, so I was able to take a look at this whole thing and Tap it away with EFT.

A Reader

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