Is he my soulmate?

My Soulmate: How Do I Figure Out If Someone Is or Not?

It is time for us to move toward a more mature definition of a soulmate.

Popular definitions of a soulmate imply

  • there is only one perfect person who can fulfil your longing for love
  • you will recognize each other instantly, as if you’ve known each other before
  • you will have undeniable chemistry
  • you will ride off happily together into the sunset
  • you will be lovers forever

This is not always the case. In fact, it is hardly ever the case.

“If enough of us can rise to the current challenges of the man/woman relationship, using them as opportunities to peel away illusions, tap our deepest powers, and expand our sense of who we are, we can begin to develop the wisdom our age is lacking.” ~ John Welwood, Ph.D.

The purpose of a SoulMate relationship is not to make you blissfully happy forever, fulfill your every wish or meet your every need. Although that sounds wonderful to our egos, it is the wish of a child, not of a mature adult.

My definition of SoulMate is different. I put the emphasis on the “Soul” and the spiritual path that a relationship can be. As such, a SoulMate relationship is not for everyone. It is an heroic journey that has many tests and trials.

Personal and Spiritual Growth

A SoulMate comes into your life to help your evolve personally and spiritually. By coming into your life and being in relationship with you, they trigger all that is unhealed and fearful in you for the purpose of healing, so that you can be whole, therefore holy.
Often times, that involves blows to your ego and a transformation of your Identity.

The ego is only a tool to help you negotiate the manifest world: it is not who you are. A SoulMate helps you awaken to deeper dimensions of your Self – to your true essence and the ground of all being – which is Love. This alchemical process is painful – a death and rebirth cycle.


SoulMates are consciously committed to helping each other grow. Therefore, they stand with each other through the inevitable tests and trials that happen as a relationship grows and deepens. They celebrate each other’s transformation from a fearful, limited human being who looks for love outside of themselves into a courageous, clear, abundant channel of Love.


SoulMates are conscious of the underlying unity of all things. Therefore, a SoulMate relationship supports and encourages fulfillment of a Higher Purpose, thus also serving the larger community.

I hope this discussion opens a new dialogue and way of thinking about SoulMates – a true Love Revolution.




  • Rima

    Reply Reply January 1, 2016

    Hi Annette,
    Thanks for the post. You say “SoulMate relationship is not for everyone”, this not very reassuring, some people are privileged on others some can find and other never find their soulmate relationship? it makes me desperate, and feel I am out of the way for finding a soulmate!!

    • Hi Rima,

      Thanks for your feedback. I agree that statement could trigger discouragement. Most people would hear that and throw up their hands. Those are the people I am talking about when I say a SoulMate relationship is not for everyone. People who give up so easily will not have a SoulMate relationship because they don’t know what to do when upset gets triggered. They quit.

      Fortunately, those of us who know EFT and recognize how little it takes to trigger discouragement will simply start tapping. “Even though Annette said a SoulMate relationship is not for everyone, I’m not everyone. Even though I found her words discouraging, I choose to stay on the path. Even though I feel desperate and out of the way for finding my SoulMate, I commit to having what I want.”

      I hope this helps!

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