Shyness

The Gifts of Shyness: 12 Ways to Break Out of Your Shell

I used to be painfully shy. Maybe you are too.  So if the usual dating advice makes you cringe or despair, have hope.  Shy people can find love too!

In high school, I couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. I walked around looking at the ground rather than at the faces of people coming toward me. God help me if a cute guy sat next to me in class! I could barely speak.

Needless to say, I didn’t have a single date in high school.

If you met me today, you would never guess.  I am a “recovering shy person.”

40% of all Americans consider themselves shy or have a shy side when it comes to dating. I recommend Dr. Avila’s book, The Gift of Shyness: Embracing Your Shy Side and Find Your Soul Mate.

I am still somewhat shy, but not in the socially avoidant way I used to be. Now, I can talk easily to strangers and comfortably hold extended conversations. I am at ease in large groups, but it is draining for me.  According to Dr. Avila, this makes me a “non-shy introvert.”

“Shyness is a life-enhancing state of extraordinary social sensitivity and profound self-reflection.”

Shy people are great dates because we are

  • Sensitive
  • Faithful
  • Great Listeners
  • Reflective
  • Modesty
  • Mysterious
  • Gentle

More good news! Research suggests that shy people:

  • tend to be more monogamous and faithful
  • are more likely to be exclusive daters
  • are more selective in their dating habits
  • accept fewer blind dates
  • tend to know their partners better before dating them
  • are more sensitive listeners
  • go out of their way to please others
  • convey an attitude of friendliness, interest and politeness.

Since most dating advice is aimed at the Extraverted Non-Shy population, it goes against the grain of the Shy Person. The thought of going to bars, singles mixers, parties and loud nightclubs to meet people makes us cringe or hide.

The good news is we don’t have to change ourselves to attract a SoulMate. We simply capitalize on our natural gifts. Here are 12 Ways to Break Out of Your Shell:

  1. Get comfortable speaking to strangers. I regularly give compliments to strangers or greeting the cashier in Walmart by name.  It’s a great way to practice without much risk.
  2. Do volunteer work – where you are more likely to meet kindred spirits
  3. Smile shyly. It is very sexy.
  4. Give a compliment a day. People respond to kindness with appreciation and liking.
  5. Use someone’s name when you speak to them. “Oh, Bill! You are so funny!”
  6. Offer to help if someone is lost or drops something in the grocery store.
  7. Ask for help, such as driving directions or recommendations for a good restaurant
  8. Bring a book as a conversation starter when you go out to dinner by yourself.
  9. Demonstrate your talents – play the piano, sing, analyze people’s handwriting
  10. Practice flirting on the internet to build confidence
  11. Invite someone to take a walk with you
  12. Join  MeetUp.com (or start your own group) to meet others in your area with similar interests

There are eligible people everywhere who appreciate your gifts.  You never know when your kind words, helping hand, or smile will be just the thing that will open the door to a new romance.  Your Shy Gifts will guide you to your SoulMate!


Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. is a master manifestor, who has used Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) since 2006 to transform her life and those of her clients. Personally, she used EFT to lose 70 pounds, manifest an unexpected $70,000, write her first book in 6 months, her second book in 6 weeks and her third book in 6 days, cure herself of plantar fasciitis and earn a Brown Belt in Shotokan Karate at the age of 57.

After 25+ years as a couple’s counselor in private practice, she turned her attention from trying to resurrect broken marriages to helping spiritually minded singles manifest their SoulMates. As the author of How to Manifest Your SoulMate with EFT: Relationship as a Spiritual Path, she teaches people how to quickly remove their internal barriers to love.

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