Maybe It’s Time to Give Up on “The List”

Tall, dark and handsome

Tall, dark and handsome

I’ll bet you made “The List.” You know the one I mean.

I’ll bet you’ve revised it a few times too.

I’ll bet after a few revisions and no success you tossed it in your underwear drawer – too afraid to really throw it away. You know … just in case.

I’m going to be straight with you. The List doesn’t work.

You won’t find your SoulMate with “The List” –  a shopping list of personality traits, physical characteristics or income level.  All that will do is turn your first date into a job interview.  Stop focusing on what you think you have to have from the other person.  All you will find with such a list is an Ego-mate.

Instead, ask yourself, “What do you truly desire in a SoulMate relationship?” This is not the list of outer characteristics or personality traits that most of us have been advised to develop. I suspect many of you have such a list somewhere and are no nearer to manifesting a SoulMate than you were before you created your list.

The reason this kind of list doesn’t work is because it doesn’t put you into energetic alignment or present-time relationship with what you desire. Most likely when you developed that list of characteristics and personality traits, you were focused on what you didn’t have. You were in a feeling state of wanting instead of being in the feeling of having received what you desire. Since what you focus on increases, when you focus on the wanting, you live in a state of wanting. When you focus on having, you manifest faster. If you wait until you find a relationship to give love, to be soulful and to be the best YOU that you can be, you will waste your life. Live a fulfilling life – one worth sharing!

If you are going to make a list at all, make a list of the spiritual lessons you want to learn, the experiences you want to share, what you want to feel and the things you want to give to your SoulMate and the rest of humanity. Write this list in present tense. For example:

  • I am so grateful and happy that my SoulMate and I share a commitment to community service projects.
  • I love giving my SoulMate foot massages.
  • I love how I get to be completely myself when I am with my SoulMate.
  • I love sharing my passion for music with my SoulMate.
  • I love knowing that no matter what comes between us, we are committed to clearing up misunderstandings and dissolving our ego fears.

What works best and fastest in manifesting a SoulMate is clarity, focus and living as if you are already in relationship with your beloved. When you call to mind and bask in the feeling of being in relationship with your SoulMate on a daily basis, you become irresistible. Imagine waking up in the morning next to your SoulMate. Close your eyes and open your heart right now. How does it feel? You will know you are there when you have a smile on your face.

Or you can say this prayer/greeting:

“Good morning, Beloved! I’m so happy and grateful that you are in my life. You fit my heart so perfectly. I love the support and challenges you bring each day because they arrive on the wings of love. I trust you because I know your life is dedicated to Spirit. It is in and through our relationship with each other that we become clear channels for Divine love in the world. We are together to love each other and serve the world by fulfilling our purpose. The synergy created by our coming together is our unique gift to humanity.”

Speaking a message such as this establishes the energetic connection between you and your SoulMate. Once you establish that link, you can rest in the knowledge that you are already connected to your SoulMate and it’s only a matter of time before you meet. That perspective fills every new day with a sense of fulfillment.

Excerpted from “How to Manifest Your SoulMate with EFT: Relationship as a Spiritual Path

Annette Vaillancourt, Ph.D. is a master manifestor, who has used Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) since 2006 to transform her life and those of her clients. Personally, she used EFT to lose 70 pounds, manifest an unexpected $70,000, write her first book in 6 months, her second book in 6 weeks and her third book in 6 days, cure herself of plantar fasciitis and earn a Brown Belt in Shotokan Karate at the age of 57.

After 25+ years as a couple’s counselor in private practice, she turned her attention from trying to resurrect broken marriages to helping spiritually minded singles manifest their SoulMates. As the author of How to Manifest Your SoulMate with EFT: Relationship as a Spiritual Path, she teaches people how to quickly remove their internal barriers to love.




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