10 Top Notch Intimacy Skills: How Many of These Do You Have?

Yes, you can develop better and more intimacy skills. Honing intimacy skills is not something we learn in high school, which is too bad. I really could have used these skills then!

Ever feel awkward or unsure when you want to get close to an attractive person? Don’t despair. We’ve all been there. With these intimacy skills, you will be practically irresistible!

What the heck are intimacy skills?

Okay, I know some of you are thinking, “Va Va Va Voom!” That’s only one kind of intimacy – physical intimacy. For most of us gals, however, emotional intimacy precedes physical intimacy. That’s just the way we’re built.
Emotional intimacy skills are interpersonal skills which build a warm, trusting, reciprocal connection with another. When you are intimate with another person there is a comforting feeling of belonging, trust and safety.

Here are 10 top Intimacy Skills and a brief description. Each skill takes a lifetime to master. That is why I recommend you look upon your relationship as a spiritual path because you’ll have to get your ego out of the way.

  1. Active Listening – listen attentively – with an open mind and without an agenda. When you listen, focus on taking in what the other person is saying, NOT what your response is going to be.
  2. Presence – focus on and savor the NOW – the present moment – when you are with each other.  Don’t be thinking about the next moment, the chores you have to do or the person with whom you’d rather be spending time.
  3. Immediacy – speak what is in your heart in the moment.  Think of it as commenting on your feelings, rather than expressing them.
  4. Compassion – practice kindness, wisdom and forgiveness with you partner. Sometimes it helps to picture them as a hurt, scared or confused child who is doing the best they can.
  5. Open-Heartedness – give and receive love and affection without expectations.  If in your head you’re thinking, “What about MEEEEE? What am I going to get?” then you are giving with the expectation of getting.
  6. Self-Esteem – “love the one you’re with”…which is ALWAYS yourself. This creates an abundance of love to give to others.
  7. Vulnerability – Yes, you have to take some emotional risks – when you share something that feels very personal and the other person reciprocates at the same level, trust grows.
  8. Ask for what you want – don’t assume or make others read your mind, i.e. “if you loved me, you’d know…”
  9. Be Trustworthy – Trust is extended to trustworthy people. Trustworthy do what they say and say what they do. They keep promises. They are forthcoming.
  10. Take responsibility for your own actions, thoughts and emotions. Don’t blame them on your partner.  No other person can make you do something…unless they have a gun to your head!

Which one of these skills are you best at? Which one do you need to develop or brush up on?

Please share your thoughts in the comments below.



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