You are overthinking this.
What does it mean when he…
- says he wants to spend an evening with the boys?
- says he needs “some space?”
- doesn’t know what he feels about you?
- falls asleep after sex?
- smiles at another woman?
- says he really likes me?
Oh, the agony of trying to figure it out! Suddenly you have difficulty eating, sleeping or concentrating. You feel obsessed because you want an answer. You ask your girlfriends for their help. You suffer because of the fear of what you think it means! You get youself all worked up.
I was recently asked to answer this question on Quora.
“What does it mean when a man you had a connection with is always on your mind? Could he be feeling the same too?”
Here’s my take on the “What does it mean…?” question. It’s not what you think it is!
I have seldom known of a single person who feels the same way, at the same time, as another person about anything. It sounds to me like you hope he feels the same way because you’re so pre-occupied with him.
If you are suffering because of what you take it to mean, then you are making it mean something negative about yourself. You might be thinking, “I’m thinking about this man all the time. Boy, am I a loser.” Or, “I”m thinking about this man all the time, what’s wrong with me?”
How about turning it into something positive, since you’re really making it up anyhow? For example, “I’m thinking about this man all the time and it feels really good to remember the sweet connection we had.” or “I’m thinking about this man all the time. I like that I don’t forget people easily.”
Questions like your’s that start with “What does is mean…?” are best handled one of two ways:
Turn it into a statement about what you are wanting it to mean or taking it to mean. For example, “A man I’ve had a connection with is always on my mind. I hope he feels the same way” or “A man I’ve had a connection with is always on my mind. I’m going to ask him if he thinks of me too.” See if that calms you down when you change it from a question to a statement.
We attach meaning to others behavior all the time, without asking the source. My motto for these situations is, “Don’t guess: ASK.” In other words, the only person who knows what their thoughts, feelings and behavior means is the person having them. Even then, they might not really know, if they are not very self aware, but at least they can give you a guess. The other person is always the best authority on their own behavior, thoughts and feelings. So you might ask him, “I’ve been thinking about you and our connection alot lately and I wonder what you are thinking/feeling about it.”
Men are not like women in their communication. They don’t drop hints for us to decipher. When they feel safe in a relationship, they say what they mean….at least for the moment.
I hope this helps!